It’s 6.04am, and I’ve been awake for about two hours. I’m laying here in my bed, listening to David Ford (“So close your eyes and sleep” – I wish) and writing this in the hope that I’ll suddenly overload my desperately tired brain until it gives in and switches to standby. My legs, thanks to twenty-five years of nerve damage in my feet and as much joint damage in my knees, and despite making me pump large doses of Gabapentin – supposedly meant to make my extremities behave – will not stay still. They jolt, shake, compel me to wave them around, pound them against the pile of pillows beneath them, cycle them in thin air and pace silently around my less than spacious bedroom. I once read some know-it-all stating that “Restless Leg Syndrome was invented by drug companies to encourage idiots to buy placebos”. Right now, I would like to aim one of my involuntary kicks at his bollocks.
Okay, maybe, as Mr Ford is quietly singing into my ear, I should “cheer up, you miserable fuck”, but some days – especially in the early hours – the frustrations of being ill and disabled are harder to bear.
As I lay here, yawning and fidgeting, I have Philip Davies MP on my mind. He and his ilk have been making women and men writhe and scream, cry out and sigh in their beds for years now. Purely out of disgust, fear, stress and desperation. We know that this government, and so many others, will “sell out our kids for a tank full of gas…let the economy crash”, to keep the working classes, the poor, the ill and the vulnerable in their places. Right at the very bottom of society.
Mr Davies thinks that, to give myself a chance of employment, I should agree to work for less than the minimum wage. Maybe he is right that, wrongly, a potential employer would choose a less experienced or skilled but able-bodied person over me. And to be honest, right now, I wouldn’t blame them; as I’ve written before, I’m hardly a desirable employee because of the way my body plays tricks. But there are so many ill and disabled people who are, and whose expertise and skills are going to waste. Why not give incentives, if that’s what it takes, to businesses who enable disabled people to work, whether in the office or at home? Over the course of a single year, that expenditure would surely be counter-balanced by a reduction in benefit claims. I have disabled and ill friends who could start their own business, to be run from home, if they were leant a start up grant, to be paid back over a fair period, with base rate or no interest. No bank will give a benefit claimant a loan, but they aren’t vilifying us. We might not function – physically and/or mentally – the way we want to, but we are people, and we deserve the same rights as the rest of the population. So, Mr Philips, “will you just laugh and say I’ve got it wrong? Will you tell me what the fuck is going on?”
Every day we hear another story of another calamitous cock-up by ATOS. How hard is it to understand that putting people with serious health problems under a huge amount of pressure and stress will only make them worse? It’s easy to imagine them saying “heart problems? Let’s give you a cardiac arrest! Epilepsy? We want to see you fitting on the floor! Emphysema? Cough up half a lung for us! Then we’ll believe you”. Of course, we need to do what we can to ensure that the system isn’t abused; no truly ill or disabled person wants to see some idle cretin making a career out of the lives we never wanted, but not at the expense of the vast majority of people who do need help. How can these “tests” by ATOS be defended when people with late stage cancer are being told to return to work? It’s becoming clearer by the day that “‘This train was armed for collision” because “‘clever’ men know all that and all this and they will talk and they will talk, but they don’t fucking listen”.
Oh, Mr Cameron, “what a model of Christian behaviour, preach on with the message of ‘go fuck thy neighbour'”. Let’s be honest, we all expected this from the Tories, but having been kicked in the stomachs by the Lib Dems, Labour are coming to spit on us as we lay on the ground, coughing up blood. You see, “I believe lots of those calling the shots have no respect for the rights that we’re given….and I believe lies cost God knows how many lives, while some rich people made more money”.
Dear readers, “I wouldn’t have it all easy, so come on, let the hard times begin. Let’s kick through the hole in the wall of the mess that we’re in”.
“This is a call to arms”. Come and fight with us.
I’m off to get some sleep…if I’m lucky.
(Words in quotation marks are lyrics written by David Ford)